the desert

Been home just over three months. And its been far from easy. The transition has been more difficult than either of us expected.

Tim's aunt and uncle died when we were in Sierra Leone. So immediately upon our return, Tim spent large amounts of time working through and dealing with what was left behind. Shortly after, our only car needed some work-up. We soon discovered that the new debit card that we had been waiting and waiting for was stolen from our locked mailbox?! Large amounts of money were withdrawn from our bank account and quickly spent all across town. Fortunately, the bank reimbursed us every penny. Thank God. But this caused a lot of paperwork and time for my amazing and hard-working hubby. We also moved back into our house, spending hours washing every piece of item because it had been in storage for almost three years. Oh, and painting (thanks to the help of my twin sis)!

Don't get me wrong, its been incredibly wonderful and sweet to be so close to family again! And to reconnect with friends that we have history with; that know us longer than weeks or months at a time. Yes, these are blessings. Rich blessings. I got to spend a few days with my big sis who came up from California. And my twin sis from Colorado was here for a whole month! TOTAL BLISS. And it was so much fun moving back into our house! I loved unpacking each item again and making our house into a home. Wow! We have way more than we need. And so much SPACE!! We practically live in only half our house. Thus, "the great purge of 2011." :)

Its just been hard. We expected to get jobs fairly quickly. At least I did. With nursing there's always a need, right? Not so much right now. After a couple months, we're both still unemployed. We spend most of our time searching and applying for jobs. And staying close to home so as to save on money and gas. We are together almost 100% of the time. I love my husband. But space is healthy. It has stretched us and our marriage. We are also looking for a new church. I know, another transition. We love our prior church, but it is so far away. We spent more time in the car than at church. :) We want to plug into a church more in our community. Every Sunday we go to a new one. Its exhausting. And lonely. I'm pretty sure Satan is working over-time on us. :) But don't worry, he doesn't stand a chance. :)

I guess I just feel dry. And empty. Right now I'm not where I want to be in so many ways. I'm not working. So I don't feel fulfilled in that way. I feel distant from the Lord. I can't help but wonder a lot of things. Did we hear Him right? Should we have stayed? He feels so far away right now.

I am now at a point where I can finally see pictures of Sierra Leone again. Before, I avoided it because it was too painful. So much of me wants to go back. At least there I was doing something. My heart was so full. Here, many things are so familiar. And yet others feel so foreign. My heart wonders if I am made for this. For a life that will soon consist of work, eat, and sleep again. I know there is more to this. I lived it over in Africa. How do I live it here?

I feel like the Israelites; wandering the desert, in need of direction. Waiting, and longing, for the Promised Land. Wondering if it will ever be.

For us, its a dry season right now. Just keeping it real, folks. :)

But, let me end on a positive note... God IS faithful! He has made that one very clear to us in this season we are walking. He continues to provide for us daily. From the almost-free-to-us 2nd vehicle, to the unexpected money coming our way; from the extra time with family and friends, to the temporary job the Lord just provided my husband.

God IS still GOOD in the desert. All the time.