because this blog is a way to keep our family and friends, our supporters, informed of our ministry and our lives over here on a ship in africa, i want to keep it real and honest. i've debated whether or not to share this with the blogger world, but since this is the best and quickest way to share a prayer request, and this blog is somewhat of a journal, here it goes...
i, hannah, feel like i'm treading water, struggling to stay afloat. as a charge nurse i work mainly evening shifts on my charge shifts and then the other shifts "fill in" where there are holes. this leaves me with a day off here and a day off there when i'm not working my every other weekend. the nursing staff works all shifts, regularly switching back and forth between days/eve/nights, and sometimes within one week. this is tiring. and after almost nine months, i'm exhausted. not to mention tim works an 8 to 5 job with weekends off. the differing work schedules make it difficult to find time to get off ship together. and i've been sick twice in the last month with a cough that has hung on for four weeks now! most likely due to living on a ship with 350+ people and working the schedule i do. our management team is aware of such schedule glitches, but with a constant change in staff, its a schedule nightmare, and its pretty much "the nature of the beast" around here.
please, don't misinterpret-- i know that no job or ministry is without its struggles and faults. my job back home certainly was not immune. i can't begin to even describe what an incredible privilege it is to be a part of such life-changing surgeries here!! i've just been feeling the tole extra hard lately and need your prayers.
my life is not my own. my time is His. i want to lay down my pride and selfish wants and needs. i desperately want to embody His love and be able to give and give day after day.
please pray for strength and energy, endurance, health, and a renewed sense of spirit. i want to make the most of my time on and off the ward these last two and a half months here in Benin. my heart and focus need to be in the right place.
thank you to each one of you who are regularly lifting us up in prayer!!
(p.s. we did manage to get-away together last weekend to celebrate our anniversary. i'll share and post pics soon! :)
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4 comments:
Hey Hannah,
Thank you for sharing your heart. We need to know your truth in order to pray specifically for you and I certainly will. Having "been there, done that", I can affirm that you have one of the most challenging jobs in the world. As nurses in any setting our job, when done with a heart for others, is harder than anyone could know. The emotional strain alone would wash most people out, and does. With Jesus in our pocket, tho, we can really make a difference in this hurting world. I don't say any of this lightly. Rotating shifts takes its toll, ugh, it just does. You have been sick which takes its toll in its physical depletion of energy. Right, you never get to spend the time you want with others whom you love so over time you guard your off time like no one else does, and sometimes others don't understand that. God HAS called you or you wouldn't feel joy when you look deep into yourself. After spending 40 hours over 2 days being on-call to a woman who was dying of pulmonary fibrosis and ministering to her family, I drug myself home totally depleted. She had died with dignity, with her family holding her and in her own home, surrounded by a praying family - exactly per her wishes. I told myself then, when I didn't know if I could continue, I will always ask myself, "am I still glad that I was there, that Jesus called ME to be the one to give that time and energy" ? If my answer was "no" or even "I don't know" then it was time to pursue another type of nursing. If the answer was "yes" then I would put out the prayer request, just as you have, and I would lean hard on my Lord, stay in His Word, listen to his still, small voice and carry on. And I did, for another 16 years until I was forced to retire due to a rare bone cancer. Stay on your knees Hannah and so will I. Continue to share your heart with us. We are here for you, to support you and Tim, and I cannot wait to meet you when you next come to Bend.
Prayerfully yours,
Kathy
Transparency is always appreciated. Thanks for opening your heart so we know how to specifically pray for you. Miss you and love you tons. Will you have time on Sunday to talk? If so, let me know what time I can call you. Squeeeeze.
Ah Hannah. I so much appreciate your honesty. How else would we know how to pray? I also suspect that in the mix of all of this that is your life now, that you are homesick a bit for all that is familiar, and your beloved parents and sisters and friends, and your own home. I understand so very much. Unlike you, I am here to stay and wrestle with the same sorts of things you do. You are in my prayers, Hanna dear. What a journey you're on, and all for His purpose not only in you, but in all the lives you and Tim have touched. Hang in there.
Praying for you and trusting that God will provide what you need in each day!
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